How necessary is play within relationships?

I'm sure that the vast majority of people recognise it's important to play with their children and in intimate relationships with a new partner most of us play a lot but how much do we play with partners and other family members as time goes by?

My partner and I row all the time, we have what's known as a fiery relationship. I have no doubt we would not be able to maintain this without liberal amounts of playing for balance.

This is not just snowball fights or the physical play involved in sexual relationships, it means we have a specific look we secretly share sometimes at a comment we know the other will consider ridiculous (this secrecy increases the fun!).

It is sitting over a smoky fire together, or walking the dog along a beach, laughing at America's Next Top Model!

Play is what you make it; different things to different people.

I also play alone. My partner has no interest in playing with glue and glitter. For me, this recharges my batteries and brings me back to 'us' rejuvenated.

My partner plays Sudoko, something I find unbearably tedious.

We both also play with children. This serves other purposes, for one thing, we are far more conscious of it being a relationship building or maintaining process. That it is 'good for us'.

This consciousness is because we are fully aware that the responsibility for maintaining safety and boundaries is ours. We therefore don't follow our own flights of fancy, we follow what's appropriate for the child(ren).

This is the case when I lead a Play Workshop within a workplace too.

Although I'm with a group of adults, it's my responsibility to maintain the space so that the group can allow themselves to become fully involved. Almost like with a group of children, I will be keeping my eye out for any potential conflicts to nip them before they begin, enabling everyone to have a positive experience.

This is not patronising; all groups have a dynamic. Groups of people who usually only meet in a work environment probably have an established (even if unspoken) hierarchy. To play fully, this has to be broken down, the group members need to know their play won't be judged. Sometimes this is most uncomfortable for the bosses!

Which brings us back to the groups we all started with; families. These are the most comlex groups and we carry the patterns of our families through our whole lives. Some of us have had the opportunity to reflect on these patterns, but most of us haven't.

One of the things I watch for in groups of colleagues is people unknowingly taking on roles I suspect may have been with them since they were children, or becoming their own mother or father.

I'm also alert for this in work with couples, or other family groups.

Because I take on this caretaker role, adults who participate in my play workshops can feel relaxed and explore a freedom they may not have felt since they were children, before they were imprinted with these roles.

My workshops are all about freedom. For most of us, we haven't really had that since we were under three years old! This is how my workshops differ from many other play experiences. You really can act like a kid!